It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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