In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
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I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
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What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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