TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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