stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
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It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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