and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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