Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
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there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
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How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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