Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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