who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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