opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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