I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
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theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
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