Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize