Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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