My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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