Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize