I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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