I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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