Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
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I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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