Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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