We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize