I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize