You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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