Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
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he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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