Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize