Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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