Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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