I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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