Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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