My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
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They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
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It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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