You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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