Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
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he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
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She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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