You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
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Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
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