If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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