the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize