dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize