dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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