wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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