Rock
Scissors
Fuck
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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