I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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