Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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