I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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