I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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