I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My pussy is not your playground.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
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you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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