dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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