the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize