my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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