I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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