No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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