i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize