I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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