Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize